I started this blog to, not only take more photos, but try and improve my writing skills and practice more.
There’s a part of me that feels embarrassed, the “I’m not good enough” thought, the chronic feelings associated with imposter syndrome.
I read that to improve your writing, you need to read more (which I already do) and to write. Another tip was to write down sentences or paragraphs that make you wonder how the author can come up with such an expression.
Back in the day as a university student, I used to work as a part-time court monitor and typist. After weeks of listening and transcribing judgments, I found myself writing in the judge’s vernacular for my own law assignments. It may have been my first assignment to receive a Distinction.
This lock-down period has allowed me to read voraciously. Maybe I should start underlining parts of the book that I like and post it on this blog. Perhaps for my 2019 book list post (in draft), I’ll go back through these books and quote at least three sentences or paragraphs that stood out to me. Another 2020 project on this list?
The other reason for not writing as much on this blog is the fear of being judged, as well as being disingenuous with what I write. I have no idea who reads this blog so it may be a laughable, self-inflicted, self-absorbed conundrum, but there is the sense of vulnerability in writing out my personal thoughts and opinions on this microscopic public space I’ve carved out for myself on the World Wide Web. Am I writing to cater for whoever may read this and, therefore, write in a way I wish to project myself unto strangers? Am I going to regret this later on? Perhaps I am just over-thinking all this. I’ll think of it as an exercise to giving less, and eventually, no f*cks.
Back to the Weekend Stories theme, here are some photos of our walk over Brooklyn Bridge and then being struck by an ominous rain cloud that appeared, then disappeared by the time we walked over it. Talk about timing.
As an Asian born and raised in Australia, who now has lived in the United States for four years, I can tell you, just hearing and witnessing the corruption, greed and the culture of self-interest has made me an angry person. My friends in Australia tell me I’ve become an angry or angrier person. It’s true. The administration, obviously, infuriates me; the greed and self-preservation of the 1% at the top, the insidious corporate power over this country’s political system, the systemic and oppressive racism entrenched in the in the American livelihood is conniving, tragic and disturbing. What happened to altruism?
I can’t imagine what life is like as a black man or woman in America but I feel as though the only thing I can do is try and walk in their shoes, engage with others, as well as educate myself to be aware of the atrocities and inequities that exist. Yes, I have experienced racism directed towards me as an Asian, but have I ever feared for my brother or father or fiance’s life when they head out the door, to worry whether they’ll be back home safe with no encounters with the police? That’s the difference isn’t it? Our privilege to feel safe when the police is around, when a group of our community do not feel that same way.
I’ve seen a relative of mine post on Instagram about her experience on “racism”, which really, in turn, was a reflection of her own lack of self-awareness and introspection. She then continued to say how she wished for her half-Asian boys to never feel “less” for not being fully white. I rolled my eyes at it at first and then it made me angry. See? I’m angry. Again.
She not only trivializes the ongoing protests against police brutality and institutional racism to her own revelations of “self-identity” and so called “struggles”, she then tries to “enlighten” her other self-absorbed Christian friends living in the Nordic bubble and followers to “pray for wisdom” and let the “holy spirit reveal the truth” about racism. What in the actual eff? I’m not a specialist in education, but I’m pretty certain this is not how you educate yourself! How about go read a book, maybe multiple books, and yes, non-goddamn-christian books because you won’t go to hell for it, OK? Seek various sources such as documentaries, articles and interviews to educate yourself. Read and listen with an open heart and a critical eye. I’m no expert either, but please stop with your incoherent sermons and get off your imaginary moral high horse.
Am I angry? Yes. Do I feel better writing it here? Yes.
Do I sound vindictive? I hope not. This is just my opinion.
Let’s wind down with some peaceful Sunday morning moments below from the weekend.
The end.
Actually, I’ll end this post with this: